She is in my trunk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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