so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
