hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
