Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As shirtless as possible
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
