Plan B is the new Plan A
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
