I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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