I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
