What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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