at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
