Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
