apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
