Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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