i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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