bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
