i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
