I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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