i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
