Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
