You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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