Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I accidentally burped into my bong.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
