Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize