i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
