meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
