Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
