Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My vagina is officially offended.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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