I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
not ubering you a puppy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
