Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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