i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
