Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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