Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
