hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize