dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
