I need help removing her.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
