I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
