Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
