shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I had to cum in my sink.
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