So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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