I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize