He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
