Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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