Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
