Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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