well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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