and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
