You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
