did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
