I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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