I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
