imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
