im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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