don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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