Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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