whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
