FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
