Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
