I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
