last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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