It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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