I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
