Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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