i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
