i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
