I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
