Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize