I hate your face
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
