Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
