WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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