I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
