Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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