well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
