So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
