I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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