great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize