9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
