What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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