So drunk its hurt
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Buhtt sex?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
