So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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