I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
