maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize