Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
