Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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