just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
