The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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