Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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