Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
