i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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